


Will You Love Me When I'm Gone?

by hiddlewiddles



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Bedroom Sex, Bottom Yoon Jeonghan, Gun Violence, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Riding, S.coups - Freeform, jeongcheol - Freeform, mafia, seungcheol - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:21:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23152435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiddlewiddles/pseuds/hiddlewiddles
Summary: Seungcheol had secrets that never failed to keep him away from his one true love, Yoon Jeonghan. He couldn't let these two worlds collide, but it was only a matter of time until they did.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 6
Kudos: 82





	Will You Love Me When I'm Gone?

“Don't say you love me," he uttered. 

Jeonghan always had a tendency for bad timing. 

But he uttered it over and over and over again like a song, or maybe more like a prayer. As though if he kept saying it, something would finally change.   
  
Seungcheol let his fingers explore the younger man's body, lingering at the small of his back. He reveled in the warmth that was Jeonghan because everything had been so cold before this moment.   
  
_‘Don’t say you love me…’_  
  
But he didn't have to. He didn't have to say it. Because Seungcheol already knew. And Jeonghan knew in the valleys of his broken soul that he did, in fact, love him and he loved him too. His love for Seungcheol transcended reality.   
  
“Because you'll leave me."   
  
“I won’t.”  
  
But he would, and he had no control over it. He just told him that in the heat of the moment. Just another sweet nothing.   
  
_Nothing._  
  
“Please touch me. Hold me tighter…”  
  
“I’m here, I’m always here,” uttered Seungcheol, running his hands along Jeonghan’s spine.  
  
With great sorrow, Seungcheol envisioned Jeonghan waking up on those silky bedsheets, alone, and realizing that he had already slipped out. Back into the darkness of the world that was his reality. Because the goodbyes were too hard; they ended in arguments and ‘i hate yous’ and he knew that it was selfish, but it was the only way.   
  
The pain of that reality temporarily subsided, as he felt Jeonghan start to move again. Being intertwined with him, being _inside_ of him, made Seungcheol forget all of his sins and misdeeds, and the guilt he felt every time he looked in Jeonghan’s sorrowful eyes.   
  
He often felt too ashamed to look into his eyes. Like he wasn’t worthy.   
But all Jeonghan wanted was for Seungcheol to look into his eyes. 

  
Seungcheol’s calloused hands cupped Jeonghan’s ass as he bounced ruthlessly on his cock, face buried in his neck, his impatient, breathy moans giving Seungcheol goosebumps all over. Jeonghan clung to him as if he were subconsciously begging, saying ‘don’t go, don’t leave me again, just this once…’. He submitted his body to Seungcheol, fully.   
  
But it still wasn’t enough.   
  
He couldn’t take it. He had to see Jeonghan’s beautiful face, the way ecstasy took over him, the way the tips of his ears flushed, his cheeks that were damp with tears of pleasure and misery.   
  
Jeonghan’s silver locks draped over his hooded eyes, and Seungcheol fondly moved the strands away because he needed to see all of him. He shied away from the eye contact initially, but Seungcheol lightly grasped Jeonghan’s neck and made him look at him. They were locked in on each other, and it felt as though time had stopped. He took this opportunity to pound angrily into his lover’s heat, eliciting whimpers to flutter from his open mouth, his hair bouncing with every one of Seungcheol’s brutal thrusts. The passion of their emotional pain came out through their bodies. 

He knew just how Jeonghan needed it in times like these. 

Jeonghan looked so ethereal when he came, losing himself, grasping onto his lover like his life depended on it. His lashes fluttered and his body flushed all over. Just seeing this pushed Seungcheol over the edge, marking Jeonghan’s neck in the process. Jeonghan looked at him with those sad, puffy eyes, and planted a light kiss on his lips and collapsed on his chest. 

  
Soon, Jeonghan fell into a deep sleep as he usually does after they make love, and Seungcheol covered him with the bedsheets because he knew how he got cold when he slept sometimes. He tried to sleep but just ended up stroking the younger man’s hair, contemplating why it had to be this way.   
  
He showered quickly in the guest bathroom so he wouldn’t wake the younger man. When he looked at his reflection, his eyes were bloodshot because he hadn’t had a full night of sleep in what felt like months. Too much flooded his mind, waking him prematurely. 

Mostly images of Jeonghan…

“Seungcheol,”

The younger man startled him, as he didn’t expect to see him again anytime soon.

He was standing in the door frame, a white robe draped over his shoulders, and the sunlight illuminated him. 

_‘Angel,'_ thought Seungcheol.

Jeonghan approached him and did up the few top buttons he had left undone on his shirt. He said nothing. 

“Jeonghan, I’m- I’m sorry,” he began. He wanted to make amends with him this time, he had no choice. 

Seungcheol saw Jeonghan notice his gun momentarily, his eyes lingering on the ground afterward. 

“I know,” he sighed, “You always are.” 

Jeonghan elbowed past him. To Seungcheol’s surprise, he grabbed the pistol out of the holster.

“What are you-,” he started.

He let his hands explore the weapon; they were dwarfed by the size of it. And suddenly, tears began to stream down his face. Jeonghan knew what Seungcheol did, but had never come into direct contact with anything related to it. 

“Do you love this more than you love me?!”

Seungcheol’s heart began to pound in fear of the danger Jeonghan might be putting them in. Himself in. But he knew it was all his fault. It always was. 

He was at a loss for words.

Jeonghan pounded his fist on the bathroom counter, and yelled, “WELL DO YOU?”  
Blood began to run down his knuckles

He had never seen Jeonghan like this. 

“Baby, no, of course not,” he said, voice trembling, “Please, just give me the gun,” 

He had faced worse situations, much more terrifying ones, but this; this was breaking him.

Jeonghan’s eyes went dark and he raised the weapon towards Seungcheol’s head. If he wanted to, he could shoot him dead, point-blank. 

“I’m sick of you always hurting me, abandoning me, lying to me. All over _THIS_ ,” 

  
He moved closer and closer to him until the gun was pressed against his lover’s forehead. 

“You don’t love me,” he sobbed. 

“But I love you more than anything,” Seungcheol choked out.

  
Jeonghan let the gun drop from his hand, and he slumped down onto the floor. His whole body shook from his sobs. Seungcheol kicked it away and pulled the younger man onto his chest. His tears and blood stained his white shirt; he hated seeing Jeonghan cry more than anything. 

“Things will get better, I’m gonna do my best to get out, so we can be together- the right way,” soothed Seungcheol while stroking Jeonghan’s hair. 

They sat there like that for a good thirty minutes, Jeonghan finally raising up and muttering out a soft, “I’m sorry,”

He stood at the sink, rinsing the blood from his hand and washing his face. Seungcheol looked up at him, with his back against the wall.

“I, I don’t know what got into me,”

Jeonghan always ended up apologizing to him for things Seungcheol knew weren’t his fault. 

“I just...miss you, and I need you,” 

He laid his head down in his hands on the counter. Seungcheol rose, wrapping his arms around Jeonghan’s thin frame.

  
_‘Why did it have to be like this?’_

“Cheollie,”

He turned to look into Jeonghan’s pretty doe eyes once more. He loved those eyes.

“Please be safe,” he avoided his eye contact out of embarrassment, “And come back to me,” 

“I promise,” he replied.

He reluctantly walked away towards his car. He felt Jeonghan's longing gaze burning into him. But he couldn't look back. Because he had to go.

**Author's Note:**

> the title is inspired by one of my favorite Incubus songs, called "Admiration"! give it a listen if you want (: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FRS1idEK24  
> (it reminds me of jeongcheol so much)
> 
> this is the first smut i've posted so i hope y'all like it!
> 
> say hi on twitter, i'm @jeonghammie ! 
> 
> thanks for reading! leave a comment, if you'd like!!!


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